Drunken Dragons

Goblins Are Best at Adventuring

It may be to the great detriment of the Drunken Dragons that the pre-session went remarkably well.

Mogmurch, Reta, Chuffy, and Poog were extremely successful in their Quest to Recover the Fireworks for Chief Gutwad. They truly are best Licktoad goblins except for Chief Gutwad and maybe Slorb.

After a raucous night of dancing with the wild boar (Squealy Nord), crawling through tubes of barbed wire (The Rusty Earbiter), besting the challenge of Eating A Bag of Slugs Real Quick (hooray, poison bladders!) and “winning” a game of Hide or Get Clubbed, the goblins set out on a mission from their Great and Mighty Chief.

At first, it didn’t seem like things would go so well, as the goblins were first ambushed by Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, but to the surprise of the goblins themselves, they were able to smash and bash that dumb spider real good and even track down her stringy lair which was full of goodies (including yummy licorice taffy that made Reta not feel so sick no more. But Mogmurch got disgusting strawberry flavor. Blech.)

Then they came to a Great Big Boat sitting in the middle of the swamp. Why did longshanks put their boat in the middle of a swamp? Longshanks are dumb.

Unfortunately, the boat was guarded by a ferocious horse. Fortunately, Licktoad goblin heroes turn out to be great at murdering half-starved horses.

Then there was a beehive, but Poog burned it real good with “Zargonel’s” unholy fire, and all the bees died.

Then there were dogs on the boat! They were dumb and were all chained up and got viciously murdered for being so dumb as to be chained up.

Then they went into the cabin. There was another dog in there! That dog was not too dumb and wasn’t chained up, but the Licktoad goblins killed it anyway. There was something cooking in the kitchen. It turned out to be Scribbleface. That’s what that crazy idiot gets for writing down words!

Despite all odds, it turned out that the “owner” of the boat – the feared goblin cannibal Vorka – was ridiculously sleepy. Like, there was an incredibly low chance that she’d be that sleepy, but she totally was! But her frog companion – Lord Longtongue – was totes awake, and he tried eating goblins left and right while Vorka woke up. Vorka was dumb and tried to use magic to summon bugs or something, but she got burned real good and forgot how to cast magic spells.

After a short battle, Lord Longtongue and Vorka were defeated, and the Fireworks for Chief Gutwad were recovered. To avoid being fed to Squealy Nord, the goblin “heroes” only set off a few of them in celebration and returned to Licktoad village, where they were hailed as heroes and rewarded with new titles and prizes.

Life sure is good for the Licktoads now. I sure hope nothing bad happens to them…

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